The college application essay—often called the personal statement—is more than just another requirement. For many students, this is their best opportunity for their unique voice to emerge beyond grades, test scores, and activities. And as parents, you can provide meaningful support with their essays by following a few simple steps.
Everyone I know recommends that students start early—ideally in the summer before the senior year—create a few drafts, then edit them mercilessly. They should have their drafts ready before the early action or early decision deadlines. This also gives them time for reflection and final revisions before they submit them. One strategy you might employ is developing “soft deadlines” with your student for two weeks before the application is due.
Before writing, your student should read through the prompt carefully. Their admissions essay should address the prompt directly, even as they add their own flare to it. Unlike politicians, who often answer questions with an unrelated answer, they don’t have that luxury when applying to college! Ensure that they stick to what’s being asked, and avoid the trap of using the same essay for multiple applications. Finally, be sure that nothing in their admissions essay contradicts with anything else in their application.
What distinguishes one essay from another isn’t necessarily the topic, but the true, personal voice behind it. The National Association for College Admission Counseling (NACAC) stresses the ideas of being honest, and “being true to yourself.” In other words, students should avoid clichés and write about what genuinely matters to them, rather than what they think admissions officers want to hear. And often, sharing stories that show their vulnerability, reflection and resilience are better than more “perfect” but impersonal ones.
When I read student essays as an admissions officer, the ones which most impressed me told me a story that I couldn’t put down. The best were those which featured vivid detail and reflection. Just as authors are admonished to “show, don’t tell,” admissions essays should paint a clear picture of your student. Admissions officers want to see into the heart of who a student is and what they have to offer. And an essay which includes anecdotes that illustrate personal growth is one way to do this. As a parent, you can spark ideas by asking about moments in their life that made a difference to them—then step back and let them choose the story they want to tell.
On top of this, encourage them to keep in mind the school they’re applying for in their admissions essay. As an admissions officer, I’d often ask myself “Can I see this student studying here?” One way your student can demonstrate that “fit” is to connect themselves to the school. Parents can encourage students to research each school’s culture, academic programs, and opportunities—so their child can write about them meaningfully. When I know a student has written their essay essentially telling me “this is where I belong”—without using those words, that’s a winning essay.
While helping to edit your student’s essay isn’t a bad idea, over-editing can erase your child’s voice. When I see an essay full of “five-dollar words” few high school students use, I wonder whose work I’m reading. Most important is that their voice shines through. After all, they’re high school students, and they should sound like it. One way you can help is by asking open-ended questions such as, “What did you learn from this experience?” rather than rewriting sections for them.
An admissions essay should add depth and texture to an application, not recount something that’s already in it. Since admissions officers already know their grades, test scores and activities, their essay should add something they wouldn’t normally see. Examples of this might include a school or other assignment that really challenged them, or how they handled moving across the country while in high school. You can help by pointing out where the essay overlaps too much with the rest of the application.
As a writer, I subscribe to the idea that “all writing is rewriting.” This applies to admissions essays, too. Their first draft is unlikely to be their best work. One reason I encourage soft deadlines two weeks before the essay is due is to allow them time to revise their essay a few times. Most people will find errors or odd phrases when they take that critical second look at their work.
In addition, encourage your child to read it aloud and to seek feedback from teachers or counselors—people who know their writing style and can help refine it without diluting their voice. Also, be sure the basic mechanics—proper formatting, correct grammar, and clean spelling—are on point.
While technology can help with grammar or brainstorming, over-reliance on them may lead to a raft of vanilla essays from students, where no one is distinct anymore. And contrary to popular opinion, admissions officers—who may read hundreds of essays every cycle—can often detect the overuse of AI immediately. Again, authenticity matters more than perfection.
As a parent, your role in the admissions essay process is that of a coach. Feel free to help your student stay on track, brainstorm ideas, and polish their work, but let them take the lead. Gentle guidance and encouragement will help them submit an essay that truly reflects who they are—and gives admissions officers a reason to remember them.
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