Parental Involvement
Before I say too much, understand that positive parental involvement is key during the college search process. Studies show that students whose families support them during the college search process are 20% more likely to receive offers from competitive schools. When I work with families in my college coaching business, I urge parents to serve primarily as consultants to their students as they navigate the process. This may be a tough transition for parents who have made most decisions about their student since their birth. Parents can and should be involved, however, from researching schools and discussing goals to providing emotional support and helping students manage deadlines.
Serving as a consultant means letting your student take the lead, while providing guidance from the side, and giving them the chance to reflect on their plans as they develop them. And while that is a challenging transition for parents, it helps to reduce the anxiety many students feel while searching for a college.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Did I say that enough? As parents, we often place expectations on our students. These include expectations about the friends they choose, the AP classes they take, and their grades. The same applies to college. Do we subtly suggest that they attend (or avoid) the schools we attended, focus only on the Ivy League, or stay within one hundred miles from home? These aren’t harmful in themselves, but if you have these expectations like these for your student please be honest about them. And on top of that, listen to the expectations they have: they’re the ones going to college, after all.
When we discuss aspirations, challenges, and priorities with our students, they become more confident and less anxious during interviews and when making critical decisions. And that will pay dividends throughout the college search process.
The Case Against Over-Applying
Casting a wide net may appear wise, but it can also backfire. A list that’s too big—like twenty to twenty-five schools—can lead to increased stress, rushed applications, and unnecessary financial strain on the family. On the other hand, applying to too few schools can limit opportunities and leave students with fewer choices. I prefer what I refer to as the “rifle versus shotgun” approach to admissions.
The key is quality over quantity. A well-constructed list typically includes 8 to 12 colleges, divided among three categories:
- Likely (Safety) Schools: Where the student’s academic profile exceeds the college’s averages.
- Target (Match) Schools: These are where the student’s profile closely matches that of the typical admitted student.
- Reach Schools: Where admission is less certain due to higher selectivity or slightly higher academic requirements.
This approach ensures students have options while allowing them to focus on crafting strong, personalized applications for each institution.
The Big Four Factors for a Strategic College List
I used to talk about the Big Three of academic major, school size and distance from home keeping finances in mind. In recent years, however, my colleagues have urged me to elevate finances in the discussion.
- Academic Major
What does your student want to study? Potential academic major is often the most important factor during a college search. Parents can help their children reflect on their academic interests and career goals, guiding them toward colleges with strong programs in those areas. - Size of School
There are students who will thrive at large universities, while others will thrive at small colleges. School size affects everything from class sizes and campus culture to co-curricular opportunities. And it’s also true that the type of school the parents attended may be a poor match for their students. Parents can and should help their students consider what environment will best support their learning and personal growth.
- Distance from Home
Distance from home is both a practical and an emotional consideration. Some students are eager to leave the nest, while others prefer to stay closer to family. I recommend that parents have honest discussions with their students about which distance is ideal for their student, and the potential impact on family relationships. And even if students commute to college from their homes, expect that relationships within the household will change. - Finances
To be clear, college isn’t inexpensive. I believe it is a wise investment, but understand that it is a substantial investment for most families. At the beginning of the college search process, talk with your student about what you can afford. Also, be clear about what amount of debt—if any—you are all comfortable with them carrying at graduation. There are many ways to lower the price of college. Many students opt to start their college careers at their community colleges, where they can often pay out of pocket. That way, they start their junior years with little or no debt.
Another challenge of finances is that families often underestimate total college expenses. Ideally, these should include tuition, fees, transportation, and living costs. Parents should work with their students to use tools like the Net Price Calculator to estimate out-of-pocket costs and explore financial aid and scholarship opportunities.
Get Started!
With these suggestions in mind, dive into the process! Along with your student, play with a number of college search engines to find colleges and build their first list. I’ll address the best ways to use search engines in a future post. The college search process—while challenging—can also bring you and your student together. And when you both know you’ve found just the right college for them, that’s gold!