Cherish and Enjoy

For those of you whose students are attending college away from home, this can be a special time. Having your student home for the holidays is a treat, so long as you prepare for it.

It Will Be Different

Having independent young adults under your roof after a few months away brings as much stress as it does joy. Both students and parents report that they get snippy with each other, and have difficulty communicating. They also find themselves at odds for no discernible reason. But think about it. Your student has been the final arbiter of everything they do for over three months. Once they’re home, do you really think they’ll listen to you tell them when to get home after visiting friends? Uh, no. Your student is going to look differently, and speak differently. This is to say nothing of their perfecting even more dramatic eye rolls during the academic term. When you see them, you may ask: who is alien presence, and why is he driving my son’s car? Fear not, for we’ve all been there.

And keep in mind in 2020 that because of COVID-19, even how they visit will be different. You may choose to strongly discourage your student from any close, large gatherings with friends, in favor of meetings outside in coffeeshops in smaller groups. So how can you all survive intact when they come home for the holidays?

Making This Time Pleasant

The above concerns can often be addressed by taking the time to discuss expectations. Ask your student things such as “when do you plan to be here versus visiting friends from high school?” Or, “we’d love to hear the latest about the semester; when’s a good time for you?” It’s also fair game to lay out some of your expectations, such as requiring that they do their own laundry while home. I also encourage parents to make their expectations about family obligations clear. For example, if you want your student to visit their grandmother during the holidays, say that. You may find yourself negotiating about how long they have to stay, but that’s something you do with your spouse as well. Give your young adult student the same courtesy. Understand that they may not be eager and gushing to see everyone on your list. Compare your list and your student’s and find a way to accommodate both.

But You Can…

If you’re lucky—and most of us are—you’ll spend some quality time with them. When you do, allow yourself to be impressed by the young adult you’ve raised. They will have met significant challenges and emerged at the end ready for a well-deserved rest. At the same time, they want to enjoy time at home with you as well, just in their own way.

The truth is, reentry to your home needn’t be difficult. Having students come home for the holidays is a time to cherish and joy. Give yourselves and your student time to experience that.