Parent and Family Weekend: Do You Go?

Ah, fall. The time when colleges and universities invite the parents and family members of their students back to campus for the first time since orientation. What’s a family to do when they receive that invitation? Do you head back to campus, or decide that it just isn’t worth the time? The answer is, it depends.

For those of you who can make it to campus and have first-year students away from home for the first time, I would say go. Many colleges tell parents not to let their students come home before parent and family weekend, which usually takes place 6-8 weeks after orientation. There’s a good reason for this. We know that students who leave campus before that time, perhaps to visit an old boyfriend or girlfriend or to attend other home-based activities often don’t connect successfully with their college. What they need to do is stay on campus, make a friend or two, and get used to the unfamiliar routine. The vast majority of students will find a way to thrive if we let them. This may seem harsh when you hear the cracking voice on the other end of the phone asking to come home, but stay the course.

Parent and family weekend is the perfect excuse to bring your student the relief of seeing their family members again. Most students are excited about this. They’ve probably missed you as much as you’ve missed them, and a weekend with activities directed at both students and parents is a perfect way to spend some time together.

But besides just wanting to see you student again–a perfectly valid reason for going, mind you–there are other benefits to attending parent and family weekend programs. When we visited campus for our daughter’s first parent and family weekend we were amazed by how many people she knew on campus already. While she’s hardly a shrinking violet, the number of people who smiled and talked to her as we walked the campus with her was still a shock. And there were even a few staff members who smiled and waved at her, clearly knowing who she was. That gave both my wife and me a great feeling. We could see that she was connecting herself to other students and staff in a way that suggested she had already made this her college. While we visited, she talked about applying to be a Resident Assistant the following year (she made it) and about how much she enjoyed her first-year seminar class. If there was any anxiety about whether she was going to be okay at college, parent and family weekend cleared that up right away.

The following semester, however, she talked a bit about not “fitting in,” which surprised us. But since we had seen how connected she was to the campus and the people there, we were able to take a step back and realize that she had hit a rough spot in college and would likely be okay. So we just listened and let her vent. We were right. A week later all systems were go, and she acknowledged that she had been feeling overwhelmed. Whew. Had it not been for attending parent and family weekend the semester before, we would have been much more concerned in the spring.

The answer about whether to attend parent and family weekend for an upperclass student is trickier. If it’s a matter of seeing if your student is still doing okay, and they like the idea of you coming up, then go for it. On the other hand, if they seem reluctant, or as our daughter told us her sophomore year “it’s really only for first-year students,” you might choose to skip it for that year. But that’s not saying you can’t visit another day to take your son out to lunch or dinner and perhaps attend some other program on campus you’re interested in. For the most part, students don’t dislike their parents visiting; they just don’t want their parents cramping their style. Therefore, be aware of the vibes that say “I really want to have dinner with my friends tonight,” and try to let that happen if you can. Better yet, talk about these things beforehand. Saying “we’re only here for the day, and we’d really like to take you to dinner,” so your daughter knows what to expect is always a good idea.

So, go if it makes sense, and if not, find another way to connect with your student. You really can’t go wrong either way.