Congratulations! Your son or daughter (or other family member) is now heading to college! I wish you well as you all transition to college.
What? You say you’re not the one going to college? Well guess what: when your son or daughter starts going to college in a way, you’re going, too. Except you won’t be earning any academic credits along the way. No, going to college for a family member means other challenges. Instead of starting challenging classes and finding your way around campus, you have to contend with missing your son or daughter (or other family member) and not being able to do anything about it. While they sample food from the college cafeteria, you’ll be sad the first time you make their favorite dinner — and they’re not there to share it with you. Finally, they’ll be making new friends and new connections, and you won’t be able to ask things like: where do they live? What do their parents do for a living? Nor will you know when they go to bed, how much time they spend playing video games, or how well they’re fitting in to their new home.
It’s a Matter of Control
Ultimately, your transition means a shift from controlling and directing your student in most ways to sitting on the bench waiting to be called in to play. And as someone who sat on the bench a lot as a student, I know that that waiting process can be excruciating. But it’s what has to happen for your student to thrive.
So, how do you contend with this new role? The first step is to maintain communication with your student. Send them the occasional text so they know you’re thinking about them. Feel free to give them a call, especially when you know they’re just had an exam or after a tough week of assignments. One trick: take a picture of their class schedule before they leave for college. In that way, when you talk to them you’ll know what class they just left or are going to.
Try This
After our daughter went away to college whenever my wife saw one of our daughter’s friends around town, she would take a selfie with them and send it to our daughter. Often our daughter would respond with a quick phone call to talk about the selfie. It turned out to be a great idea that our daughter really appreciated, and it helped ease the transition for my wife as well.
Mind you, I don’t mean calling them every day just because we all have cell phones. Giving them the time to adjust to campus without constant phone calls is really important so they settle in successfully. The simple truth is, this transition works for the vast majority of people. Most students adjust successfully, and their families do as well. Just have patience, giving them the flexibility to make more of their own decisions and try to be there when they need it.
Isn’t that what family is all about?